CRITICISM & JUDGMENT Explained and how to handle?

By: Dr. Mennat-Allah Elwan

Why Criticism Is Essential for Growth? : lets discuss that from a balanced Perspective.

Criticism is not an attack—it’s a gift for self-growth. according to Dr. John Demartini’s it helps balancing the two poles of awareness: first pole when we 'Seeking Praise/Appreciation/compliment and avoiding the other pole of awareness which is Criticism/Attack/Rejection/Bullying and turning challenges/ criticism into opportunities.

The Human Psyche: Two Poles of Growth

Human psychology is designed with two poles: positive and negative.

• By nature, we seek pleasure, comfort, PRAISE, appreciation and support.

• We try to avoid what we perceive as negative, painful, hurtful , or challenging.

But both sides are necessary for growth.

If you only chase the positive, you’ll become addicted to it.

True evolution comes from balancing both poles of life.

Why Does Criticism Happen?

Every person lives by a unique set of core values—a hierarchy of priorities that shapes their choices.

• When someone supports our values → we feel calm, relaxed and open to.

• When someone challenges our values → we feel triggered, angry, or defensive.

This is why criticism arises: it’s not random, but a natural response when values clash and conflict.

A Therapy Example

A client once told me: “My mother broke my self-worth. She constantly criticizes me.”

My first question: “What do you do that challenges her values?”

At first, the client said: “Nothing—she’s just like that all the time a critical person .”

But after reflection, she realized:

• Her mother : valued spirituality and prayer.

• Client : valued freedom, openness, and self-expression.

• Every time she dressed differently, skipped prayer, or stayed out late, her mother felt her values were challenged—and criticized her, fight her , punished her.

Lesson: Criticism reflects value conflicts between the two persons—not broken self-worth.

Criticism is a balancing act/ law by Nature’s:

According to dr. John Demartini: Criticism is life’s feedback system—it restores balance and keeps us authentic.

• Psychology: If you beat yourself down with shame, life sends praise to lift you.

• Sociology: If you become arrogant and prideful , life sends critics and crisis to humble you.

• Physiology: If your body overheats, it sweets to seek balance if its cold, it shivers also to seek your action to balance it.

Just like nature, life constantly seeks equilibrium.

Criticism is not punishment—it’s balance.

How to Turn Criticism into Growth

In therapy, I ask my clients :

“How did this criticism serve you? What benefits did it bring?”

When clients list the hidden benefits, they shift from resentment to gratitude.

Example: Manager’s Criticism

If your manager values performance and criticizes your work, the hidden benefits may be:

• You improve your skills and knowledge.

• You learn to communicate your needs and rights.

• You set healthy boundaries.

• You explore your true passions.

• You ask for fair compensation.

Criticism pushes you to grow stronger, smarter, and more authentic.

wither its constructive or destructive you call it ( all are critsism ) that life sends you in a form of a person to make you benefit of it and grow. No matter what a client tells me he went through we can turn it into gratitude and growth.

The Myth of One-Sided People

Self-help books / lecturers often sells the fantasy of people who are:

• Always kind, never cruel.

• Always supportive, never challenging.

• Always positive, never negative.

//GROWTH HAPPENS ON THE THRESHOLDS OF BALANCING SUPPORT AND CHALLENGE (CRITSISM & PRAISE)

//EVERYTIME YOU RUN AND SEEK PRAISE YOU ATTRACT CRITSISM SIMULTANEOUSLY.

//But no human is one-sided.

We are both kind and cruel, generous and stingy, accepting and critical.

//Look in areas where you demonstrate your core values and you will ALSO find that you are critic to who ever will come close to challenging and break your core values.

Criticism is not the enemy—it is life’s way of guiding us back to our authentic, balanced self.

Final Thought

Next time someone criticizes you, pause and reflect:

• “What values of theirs am I challenging?”

• “How is this feedback serving me?”

When you see the hidden benefits, criticism transforms from an attack into a tool for self-mastery.

Remember: Life gives both praise and criticism—not to hurt you, but to help you grow.

//If you feel you have had heavy story with a close person who affected your self worth negatively or any sort of abuse up to bullying and you are struggling to balance it in your consciousness and grow over it

You might need to start therapy on that and have a discussion around it

please contact us : +201062636343

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